IN or OUT?

Araw-araw nalang ganon. Pakiramdam mo lagi kang out sa sarili mong circle of friends. Yes, kasama mo sila kaso yung feeling na di ka pa din belong. What do I mean, 'belong'? Yung maluwag sa dibdib mo na nakikipagtawanan at alam mong 'friends mo nga sila talaga. You feel at ease with them. To think na, you thought of having such great friends that you'll surely had. You EVER had. Belongingness, is part of huma's life. Kaya nga 'NO Man is an Island.' Pero yun ang di ko nararamdaman sa kanila. Para ba maging belong, kelangan pa bang 'I should be like them as well'? NO, right? I'm not me anymore. Di ko maunderstand ang sarili ko. Iba na ko. Di na ko jolly. Di na din funny, talkative. And I always LIE. As is LIE. I lied of being happy with them. Kahit I feel out sometimes. Yes, everytime nalang naiirita ako. Naiirita sa lahat ng bagay patungkol dun. You'd think there are friends na anjan sayo palage? You'd think na lage sila nanjan. There's NO PERMANENT in this world! Lahat nawawala. All dies. All withers. Going back, di ako naiinis kundi  naiirita lang. hAng dameng mapapapel sa mundo. Ang dameng pa-upstage. Sige, sa inyo na spotlight. BIDA-BIDA kayo eh. haha. Di ko alam if I'm just thinking of it pero don't blame eto nararamdaman ko.

I admit na iniisip ko din if tama bang maramdaman ko to? Tama bang mafeel ko to? Teka di ako nagiging tao nito. I'm thinking na di ako nagogrow as a person pag kasama ko sila. I don't know If paranoid lang ako. Sometimes, pag ikaw na ang nagsasalita.. (you can hear cricket sounds.) GAWD! Badtrip yun. Tapos paepal pag nagsasalita ka tapos eentrada. Sige, ikaw naulet! Eto mic para lahat makarinig!

Di ko talaga magets kung ako ata ang mali dito. Ako ata di belong. Nagkahiwalay lang for quite sometimes then changed na kagad. What the HELL. Then maririnig mo na dati sila  bestfriends ngayon kame na. Ano toh. Basketball? Di ka lang attentive, steal na kagad. Grabeh may ganon pala. I don't think bad at that. Pero ang masabihan ng ganon. What the fuck. Fine. So what kung sinabe ko yun. Blame me for being like this but you cannot change the fact that these are things that I have complains about. These are the things that I see with bare naked eyes.

Closest friends? Best friends? Friends?

You still don't know who your true friends are, arent you?...